How do we bring responsive children from our IB schools into our homes?
I am a fortunate mother of two children 9 and 13, and a learning support associate at the most prestigious international school of Mumbai which follows the International Baccalaureate from pre k.
I have been attempting to bring the responsive classroom approach to my home and it is has made a huge difference in the way my children and I interact and do our tasks.
First comes first, Responsive Classroom is an attitude. An attitude of respecting the children, believing that they can be responsible for their actions and capable of fixing their problems and irresponsible behaviors. So, I would call it Responsive Attitude since we are now talking of our homes.
Let us look at the shift in the language that we must make as parents to reinforce, remind and redirect.
Let us look at reminding language in this post.
Reminding Language:
- It is essential that we remind children that they must be focusing on what they are doing and not on what or how his friend or sibling is doing. Instead of having an argument over what the other does or does not, we need to remind the children that we need to be concerned about our actions.
The appropriate language would be, ‘ What do YOU need to be doing right now ??’ It is important to bring the focus back to our child.
2. There are times we want our children to be ready at a particular time. Instead of constantly saying, ’Be ready by 5 pm/ You are already late./ You need to hurry up.
It is important that we put the responsibility on the child to figure out a way to be ready on time.
Appropriate language: What will you need to do so you can be ready for ……. quickly
3. Teaching our children to make everyone a part of the group and not encourage groupism is very essential. Children do not want to be preached or lectured, because it makes them feel incompetent.
Appropriate Language: How can we make sure everyone feels included? In another situation…What can we do when we are sharing a secret with our friend but do not want another friend to hear it without being impolite?
4. Children at times find it easier to express themselves with actions instead of words. They may feel aggressive and hit, kick, pinch or bite. As mothers, we immediately want to resort to a lecture or a punishment.
We must have a conversation with the child and let him know that the child being hurt and the others around do not feel safe in his presence.Hence, he may have to remove himself from the group until he behaves in a way that others feel safe. The child surely does not want to be left out.
Appropriate language: What can you do to make __________ feel safe and friendly?
The Responsive Approach puts the responsibility on the child to fix a problem or come out with a solution.
Children should be asked questions such as
What can you do if….?
Show me how…….
How do we plan to take care of….?
How will you….?
Remind me …….
How might we follow our home rules…..?
The child feels trusted and respected when we keep our volume low, respect them and show faith in him to fix a situation even though he might have gone wrong earlier.
If there any more situations in which you would like to know how to use ‘The Responsive Attitude’, do write to me
